This week, I’ve been learning about video production. I’m building my first how-to video project, crocheted dishcloths from 100 percent cotton yarn. It’s harder than you’d think, considering how many people have made and posted videos on Youtube. The Youtube part is easy, of course. I got an account and even managed to find a fun user name, The Witch Next Door, which I promptly adopted as my Pinterest and Blog names. Sure, I’m still working on adding a description and personalizing my channel on Youtube, but that stuff isn’t the real challenge.
Shooting and editing videos…that’s a little harder. I’m now editing the third try using take five and higher of footage. Let’s just say I’ve re-shot a lot. Even after eliminating the giggling parts, I had to do a lot of takes just to get the camera set up so it really shows the work and to get the language down…or mostly down.
This has been one project that truly challenges my ability to marry words with motion, one of my weak suits. I face that same weakness in taekwondo, just in reverse. There, I often struggle to move my body in the way necessary to express the words or command Master has issued. It’s like I’ve got to stop and think carefully to decode the words, then move my limbs to do the actions, which makes me clumsy and slow at best. When I can disengage my thinking mind and just move without any words involved, no problemo. Same thing with crochet, or any other art for that matter. For video, I don’t know that just watching me work is going to cut it. (Although…maybe a second international version with no words at all isn’t such a bad idea…)
The editing part of video production is all new to me, too. Knowing what to include or cut from a written piece, like an article or story, is easy. I’ve had a lot of practice at honing in on the core message and paring away the extra language over the years. In visual form, though, it feels like a whole new animal. I’m getting a lot of help from my partner, Patrick. His experience is coming in handy. I’ve got the video down under 25 minutes, and I think with his guidance we can probably shorten it even further. I may even stand a chance of finishing the video by week’s end.
That leaves me with just getting over the stage fright bit. I haven’t spent a whole lot of time on camera. Actually, I’ve pretty well avoided being filmed for most of my life. When my cousins were running around filming videos, I ran the other way. By age 16, I was already incredibly camera shy. As an adult, I’ve managed to more often than not be the one taking the shots. Conveniently, I’ve never quite gotten over my fear of being filmed. For me, the deep work for this video isn’t about the video itself as much as it is about getting over the stage fright.
Believe you me, I’ve been working that one with just about every tool I have. Dream Work has been the most enlightening. Journaling has helped make sense of the crazy dream images I’ve been working with, too. Even Mirror Work and Shadow Work have helped. There’s been a lot of crying and hysteria in my house this week, to say the least.
When it comes down to it, this fear of mine is seated in stuff that has very little to do with cameras, video, film, or being on-stage. It’s more about being right there in the center of things that can and probably will overwhelm my nervous system coupled with opening the way for parts of me who were hidden away when I was still a small child. That inner artist who so desires validation is terrified of stepping out onto stage and being booed off again. The playful little girl isn’t so sure that being out where people can see her will bring the support she needs to survive. I’m already overstimulated just living where I live, so what makes me think being on camera is going to somehow make that any better? Won’t I just end up feeling panicked, rejected, and alone all over again, in which case does it make any sense at all to do this crazy video in the first place?
Even some of my more adult parts are worried. Will this eventually turn into something that supports career and income for me, or will it haunt me as something I should never, ever have attempted on my own? Goodness knows, I’ve tried and failed at a whole lotta stuff over the years. Will this be another one of those humorous stories I can regale my grandchildren with when I’m an old lady?
Just like so many of the other crazy notions I’ve followed, this one is at the very least helping me grow. The weak spots, like me ability to pair words with action, are being strengthened slowly but surely. The fears are slowly becoming friends, too. Maybe my video career will be a spectacular failure. It wouldn’t be my first, and I’m confident it won’t be my last. So long as I learn some and grow some and learn some more along the way, I can count it as a success. Isn’t that enough?
I don’t know if that’s enough. For now, I’m on the wave and I’ve gotta ride it until it plays out. That’s just all there is to it. Wish me luck, and check back in next week to view my totally awesome, absolutely fantastic new video, “Crocheted Washcloths with The Witch Next Door!”